To quote the greatest playwright of our time William Shakespeare: “You were thinking I died? Bitch surprise.”
I feel like I could write an essay on how my motivation, creativity levels and wellbeing all directly correlate with one another. Loving so many things at once causes a lot of issues in my life, as I can never balance my love for everything, which means I end up doing none of what I wanted to do. I know a lot of it is to do with me being a perfectionist as well, as I’d rather not write at all than risk writing something that may be mediocre. I’m working on that though.
Always Drew was a big step for me at seventeen. I’ve mentioned it before, but I have been keeping blogs (that have hopefully died) for many years and they all had a theme. One was about books, another about life as a Year Nine (this is the one I hope is dead) and another was about nail art, something that I am terrible at. When my creativity for each one diminished, I had no will to carry on. This blog was meant to be different, as I could talk about anything on here. If I fell out of love with reading (as I did for four years before a global pandemic hit), I could just talk about films instead. In my mind, this seemed perfect, but in reality there are times when I don’t want to write about anything. And the longer I don’t write, the more pressure it is to write again.
So the other day when I realised I needed to get my feelings out about Babyteeth, I used this blog to do exactly that. I didn’t intend it to be a comeback, and I wasn’t even going to share the post on any social media. But as I started writing, I realised how much I’d missed it. I’ve been writing creatively on and off since the start of my degree, but I haven’t been able to write an opinion article like I used to love doing in secondary school. This blog literally allows me to write about what I want. I could do an entire post about my interest in capybaras if I wanted to. My intent was never for this blog to become the next big thing, so I need to stop treating it as if it is. I may be my biggest critic, but I’m also egotistical. Leaving this blog to rot means I can’t read back everything I wrote in five years time. Even reading things seventeen year old me wrote feels like a different person, so I’m excited for twenty five year old Drew to remember twenty year old Drew.
In other words, I’m making a pledge to myself. I will write twice a week about anything I want to, and I won’t write entire blog posts just to abandon them in fear of not being good enough. Because really, who am I trying to be “good enough” for? If you do enjoy this blog, that’s great. Tuesdays and Fridays at 10am will become your favourite times of the week. But really, this one is for future Drew. Enjoy being self-obsessed.
Always, Drew xxx