Honestly, I’m Not Doing Great

What a clickbait title that is.

I had a post all lined up for this week – it was written before it needed to be, I was happy with it and I was meant to upload it on Friday night, but I just didn’t. Why? Because truthfully, it was all positive and breezy, and did not reflect the stress I have been under the past few days. So yes, sorry about that, but that post will have to wait. Instead, you’ve just got me.

If you think about the post I did a couple of months ago, you’ll realise how ironic this is. “Coping with Stress” is a bit hypocritical, when even I can’t use those tips sometimes to cope with stress. But, pushing that aside, I am stressed. Not just the “good LORD look at all this work” stressed, but an all-round life stress. If I’m being completely honest (which I’ll always try to be), I don’t like many things about myself and my life at the minute.

I don’t want to turn all of this into a “woe is me” kind of post, but this is genuinely how I feel. It all started with my loss of style. How stupid does that seem? But to me, I’ve always loved fashion, and picking up all my clothes and thinking “I’m not sure if this is really me” was starting to get me down. I spent most of my summer in leggings and a hoodie because there was nothing in my wardrobe that felt me. And I hated it.

Going back to any kind of education/job can be stressful, and this year is no exception. I have quite literally been thrown into a pit of coursework that I can’t get on top of, and the more I think about it, the more I just want to take a long sleep until it’s all over. I had my first meltdown of the year on Friday (three weeks in – what a record), and it just felt like everything was getting the better of me. This is not how I want to spend the next year, but I’m scared this is how it’s going to be.

It’s hard to describe why I feel like everything is going wrong at the minute. Maybe it’s just an internal thing, but everything is building up, and I can’t seem to get anything done. I explained it the other day to someone as if my stress and worries are a mountain, and this mountain is going to soon collapse under the pressure, and I’m going to fall with it. How very cheery.

Anyway, I’m sorry about this post. Other posting will resume as normal next week, and I’ll get up the post I was working on the other day. For now though, you’ve just got my venting. Again, sorry.

Always, Drew xxx

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